I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Randomize
