I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
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