You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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