mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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