i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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