I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
