How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
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