i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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