is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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