did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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