hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
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