he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
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