i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize