I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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