I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
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