see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
