Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize