My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Everclear isn't food dammit
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
