I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize