Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
