I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I skipped work to stalk him.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
she told me i tasted like america
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Randomize
