There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
