Kiss
Puke
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
