this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
