Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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