Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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