Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
