I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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