There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize