i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
