That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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