How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Its about making memories worth repressing
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
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