just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
