What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
