im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
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