what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
