i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Randomize
