is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
