I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
