She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
