I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
