True but thats because hes a fetus.
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Randomize
