Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Randomize
