my shit smells like andre
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
