Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
This baby is an asshole
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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