I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
