I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
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