My sheets look like a crime scene.
Someone shit on the floor
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
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