we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
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