Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
You smell like a Billy Joel song
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
