can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
