did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
