So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I didn't notice because vodka
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
