We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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