So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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