i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
How does it feel to date your dad?
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
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