They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
