sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Randomize
