Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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