There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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