I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
