'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Randomize
