I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
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