dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
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