get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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