I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize