So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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