There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
