Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize