he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
