All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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