And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
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