Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
