shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
