we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
