You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
