Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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