My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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