Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
