another moral hangover. fuck.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
