becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize