There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
