So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
