Fuck appropriateness.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Randomize
