im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
His hands were made for my vagina.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize