Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
