they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
